Doing Good

A good friend of mine read my last blog post and had this to say:

"When I read your blog, I was struck with the overwhelming impression that you place the responsibility of a person's well being in each person's hands.  If you really want it, go for it.  If you have questions, think about it and you will come up with the right decision.  When I think about myself, I totally agree that I have the means (God willing, I suppose) to take care of my own destiny.  But this is due to the background I was born into, the money and resources that my parents and grandparents provided, the educational opportunities that I received, and sheer luck that I am physically and mentally in reasonably good shape.  If I complain with all that I have, shame on me.  Totally agree!

What bothers me is that you also seem to imply that if you are not doing well, that is your fault.  Having traveled to many disadvantaged regions in the world, having learned first hand about discrimination and stereo-typing, knowing from my work with people with [certain] disorders, I know that there are people who are not able to overcome their situation without the help of others.  My understanding of Jesus is that he wanted his disciples to take care of the marginalized.  "Tend my sheep" is what he said to Peter.  Sure, he told the beggars to "pick yourself up and live with faith", but he balanced it with a strong plea that we must take care of the disadvantaged.  This is the message I am missing from your blog."

I certainly did not intend that helping others was not part of the bargain or that we are "at fault" for our own situation. I am a huge believer in helping others. It is part of who I am. We all know that the greatest pleasure one can enjoy is giving to others and seeing them joyfully receive the gift. 

What I needed to learn, however, is that I do it for myself. I do it because it makes me feel good. It is the right thing for me to do at the time. When you do things for the others, you guide your universe in that manner, whether that is good for you or not. You have intentionally created a Harmony that sacrificed your world for theirs, whether they give a rat's buttocks about you and your help or not.

Now, I do what I know is right for me to do for others. I hope that the things I do help the people intended, but I realize now that is entirely outside of my control. That is entirely within their control. If what I bring to the table for others ends up helping to change their world in a positive way, it is because they took it and changed their world in a positive way. I, other than being a provider, had zero to do with whether their life was changed or not. Of course, the benefit may be small or large, and again, that is up to the recipient, not the provider. Either way, if I did it because it felt good to me, it is good for me and my Harmony with my universe and all other souls. 

Just as often, of course, a person in need of help refuses to benefit from the gifts of others. This can be for many reasons. Perhaps to improve is frightening. Perhaps to feel good seems wrong. Perhaps to find a better way may mean risking stability they have in their current situation. Perhaps they are strong while the supporter is there to do it for them, but fall into their old ways as soon as they are on their own again. Who knows why a person chooses not to benefit from gifts, but we all know it happens. In the end, though, it is the decision of the recipient whether to benefit from or fall away from the gifts of others. Who are we to judge how they fit in the Harmony of the universe? Their world, however wretched in our minds, might be perfect for them or at least makes them feel in Harmony. I could never live like the Masai on the high plains of Kenya, but they seem to love it. We don't like it so we build stuff for them and bring them things we are sure they will like. We try to help. We feel good. All is good. 

Or, perhaps they are stranded in a negative world they cannot seem to get out of. 

Perhaps the greatest gift we can provide one another is the power to believe that each of us is in control of our own world. We each have the power to make our world better, to ask for the things we need, to have the faith to believe that it can happen, and most of all the strength to do what is required, to do what each of us knows in our heart is right, to do what the Holy Spirit guides us to do, immediately and without hesitation. 

I believe that there are two parts of the universe:

• Nature that is completely bound by the laws of physics, unable to adjust or change from them. This allows us to build things, send things into space, throw a strike with a baseball, etc. Our physical bodies are part of Nature. They break down. They have issues. Like any machine, they do not always run the way they should. We are bound to occupy our bodies for better or worse. Why not do so for the better. The examples of those who simply refused to succumb to the limitations of their bodies, to look at the positives and strive for the maximum their lives could be, are myriad. They made that happen for themselves. Perhaps others helped them? Perhaps someone lent a hand or provided guidance? In the end, it was they who accomplished the feat, not the counselor, not the coach, not the friend. They created their harmony within their universe around the bodies they were stuck in.
• The Harmony, the spiritual connection of all souls to all other souls, God, the Holy Spirit, the spiritual internet, is the power that allows us to drive the machine. For more, consider reading my post on Proof of God. This is the part of us to which the Law of Attraction applies. No matter the condition of our body, the political system around us, our wealth or poverty, the country we live in, or the differences, strengths or weaknesses we were born with, our spirit is who we are and is what allows us to control our place in the Harmony of all souls. The Harmony is what allows us to change our spiritual world either to the positive or negative.

Being positive is not limited by our situation. It is limited only by our faith.

I believe that the connection of all of our souls matters. AA, NA, GA, OA and all of the other "__A" members meet in small groups that support one another. These group members pull for one another, but a core understanding is that each member is responsible only for him or herself. He or she is not responsible for anyone else in the group. Each member has a more veteran sponsor who helps to guide his or her charge through the process, through stresses, threats and temptations. But this idea that the successes or failures of the charge are not the responsibility of the sponsor applies equally to this more direct relationship. Success or failure rests solely on the shoulders of the member. Sometimes they fail. Often it is the strength they find in the group that gets them back on track. They reconnect with the part of the Harmony that helps them. But in the end, the individual is responsible for his or her own success and failure.

Is our situation our fault? Fault is a difficult concept and I do not like it much. It implies blame where often there is none. Our situation is frequently just that - our situation. It could be due to many factors outside of our control, as listed above, entirely within our control, but most often it is a combination and mash up of many responsibilities. I know that the majority of my situation I brought upon myself, but there were many co-conspirators and participants, and there are aspects of my situation, such as arthritis in my knees and ankles, spreading to my hips and hands, that are genetic and part of the frailties of my body machine. For awhile last Fall I succumbed to "my situation," gained a bunch of weight and felt worse. I could have kept going but I chose to change. Am I without pain? Far from it, but I decided to be positive, change my world and it has worked. I am not out of the woods, but I am on the way.

I am not special. If I can do it anyone can. Perhaps with a little help from our friends, we all can.